Love, Loss and Pain

Many people think funerals are all about caskets and religious services. Receiving lines and eulogies. In my opinion, funerals are all about love. More specifically, they're the beginning of a long and painful journey of dealing with the aftermath of lost love.

St. Paul wrote in his first letter to the Corinthians:

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking.
It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.

As a funeral director, my biggest challenge is helping people deal with the pain of grief after the loss of a loved one. I can tell you with absolute certainty that the greater the love, the greater the pain. I can also tell you that this pain is very real. The pain of watching a parent or grandparent grow old and start to fail is real because the love is real. The pain of losing a spouse or a child is intense because the roots of love run very deep. Love always perseveres. Love never fails.

The question often asked is "How can the pain be taken away?" The answer is it can't. Because to take the pain away would mean to take away the love. Pain is the price we ultimately pay for love. It is inevitable. Love always perseveres. Love never fails.

The people that handle this grief the best are the ones that do not try to avoid the pain, but embrace it. By embracing it, you're acknowledging the love. Over time, the pain will begin to lessen, not because your love has diminished, but because you've become used to dealing with it. I've seen it time and again.

I'll conclude with a quote from Alfred Tennyson because I believe it says it all.
"I hold it true, whate'er befall; I feel it, when I sorrow most; 'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."